The Shock is The Worst

 The Shock is The Worst

 

Abuse can arrive in so many forms, physical and emotional alike. Sometimes I think the worst kind is the one that comes out of nowhere. Anticipating abuse is one type, and I truly feel for anyone who has dealt with such abuse for a long time. I hope those who do have found a way to walk away.

But the type that really gets you is the shocking kind. Perhaps you lived for months or years with this person. You let down your walls. You trusted someone. 

And that’s when it happens. Just out of the blue, seemingly for no reason at all. Somehow you’ve stumbled into a bad situation.

Alexas_Fotos, Pixabay

At this point, we must all make a choice. Stay or go. Observe, and see if the trend continues, or find a way to leave. 

I won’t name any names. But let’s say I got the shock of my life today. A family member struck me. I am 37. I’m hardly a child, and I don’t need to be reprimanded for my words or actions. Hell, why not leave that up to the way we punish ourselves every day, right? And I am not trying to whine here like a spoiled child. This actually happened.

The oddest thing is that this man was supportive my whole life, and only in recent years has his temper drastically changed. So I am left to wonder…was this caused by his health situation, or has he in fact lost it for once? 

Not to mention someone I have always trusted lashed out at me. Me! It is hard not to take that personally, even more difficult not to start crying again. 

Counselling, Pixabay

Things have never been easy in my family. With five people always trying to have their say in the same house, it was…let’s just call it a bit challenging to establish any kind of autonomy from the overall conformity in that tight-knit group. It’s one thing to be playing around and accidentally hurt someone. No big deal. A true accident is one thing. 

But to hit someone, without any hope of apology? That, my friends, is what we call abuse. 

John Hain, Pixabay

I am forced to admit that I have dealt with some form of emotional abuse from this person for several years – being called names, and tearing me down for my life choices. Because let’s face it. I am a writer. We’re an odd breed, for sure. Yes, I will automatically be different from everyone else in my family. But I hardly think I deserve to be abused. 

No one does.

The Libra in me has just had it. October people tend to give up on a certain person at some point. We can only take so much crap before the ‘aloof’ aspect kicks in, and we’re done. We want to back away, keep our distance from that individual for the rest of our lives. 

Except when you truly love someone, it gets complicated. You must think about emotions over self-preservation. And even though I’ve stumbled across tons of advice over the years, claiming we should cut out toxic relationships – and normally I’d agree – I know I can’t exactly erase this person from my life. Plus, he’s getting on in years. With his health, who knows? He may not have much time left. Then again, he’s incredibly stubborn.

I guess I’m just…frozen. Stuck in this cage of doubt and circumstance.

I actually find this infuriating on some level, other than the obvious. Why? Well, I climbed out of a bad romantic relationship – physically and emotionally abusive – in my early twenties, and I guess it’s ironic that now I find myself trapped all over again. But for a different reason.

So, what would you do in this situation? I wouldn’t mind the advice today.

Thanks for listening.