Elvira's Story
Hey,
all you out there, listen up! Elvira here with a major bone to pick. No, I don’t
mean that beef-bone that’d keep your dog occupied for hours. I’m talking about
the way some people slight their cats like we’re dumb animals. Take that Susan Lynn Solomon person, for example, always telling people how her BFF Emlyn Goode is
sooo smart, solving murders all by herself. Pull-eese! Where would that witch
be without me?
Let
me tell you, before I moved into her house in Niagara Falls and saved her from
a totally boring life, Emlyn was a writer, telling short stories where heroines
slay dragons. Like that wuss could ever really run off with a lance and save
someone—she’s afraid Jack the Ripper is hiding in her backyard. Then her
boyfriend’s partner gets killed, and she just wants to jump into bed and cover
her head, because she’s sure the killer’s now coming after her.
Her
boyfriend—that’s Roger Frey, a police detective—is something of a hunk…for a
human, that is. From the way he carried on about his partner, I knew he’d do
something foolish. Like try to get revenge. How ridiculous these humans are. I
couldn’t let that happen. The way Emlyn felt about him, if Roger got jailed or
killed, she’d go into a funk, and then who’d put food in my bowl? I'd do it myself,
but I don’t have thumbs!
So, I did what any cat with a brain would do. I poked
Emlyn and prodded her to figure out who did it, and when that didn’t get her
out of bed, I practically shoved her ancient relative’s Book of Shadows at her
feet (I mentioned she’s a witch—not a very good one, but what can you expect
from a human?). Then, when it was finally over, what happened? Emlyn’s friend
told everyone about it in a book called The Magic of Murder, and the woman had the gall to make it sound like Emlyn had
done it all herself.
 |
| https://bookgoodies.com/a/B015OQO5LO |
Well, I mean… Harrumph!
If
that wasn’t enough, the same thing happened a year later when Emlyn got all
bent out of shape because her mother was accused of murder. Again, I had to
step in, and all but solve a 40-year-old case myself. Did I get the credit of
this? Nooo! When the book Dead Again
came out, for the second time Susan Lynn Solomon made Emlyn the hero.
 |
| https://bookgoodies.com/a/B01N0OA1IV |
Now, just a few weeks later an old friend of Emlyn’s mother showed up in
Niagara Falls, told Emlyn a secret, and again she went into a tizzy. And, when
the woman gets herself murdered, who had to point all the humans in the right
direction? I’ll tell you who. Me! Then, for the third time… The Day the Music Died made it sound
like I’m just a roly-poly plaything.
 |
| https://bookgoodies.com/a/B0747V1DPT |
Hiissss!
Ms. Solomon, this will stop now! I demand an apology for hiding the real brains
behind solving these crimes. If you think your friend Emlyn knows some
witchcraft… well, I know a spell that’ll make your hair turn blue and fall out in
the most embarrassing places. Don’t believe this? Don’t you know that all cats
can cast spells? How else do you think we’ve managed to arrange it so humans
feed us and do the work, while we sleep all day?
Exactly. You have it right, Elvira. They would all be useless without us. As I've said before, I'm as good as royalty here and I will rule over the universe one day.
Anyway, thank you for visiting us here at Marie's blog. That's a nice fur coat you have there, and your story was rather entertaining! We hope you'll come back sometime, Elvira.
For the rest of you humans, I'm signing off... meow, meow, meow, et cetera, et cetera.
As always,
Ruler of the Universe and Supreme Feline,
Emma A.K.A 'the Munchkin' Mulrooney
No comments:
Post a Comment