"Scars" - a poem

Sometimes I write poetry that isn't romantic at all. Here is one that came to me last night...

Scars

These scars are still healing,

the impression of your hateful words are like red lashes across my back,

the marks you left on me inside and out.

Angela Yuriko Smith, Pixabay

 

I recall the shock of finding bruises in places no one else could ever see,

the impact of your teeth marks everywhere,

the hard ways you took me and left me hating us both.

When you’d roll over and sleep it off,

I felt so empty and I’d do everything I could to make silent tears.

Counseling, Pixabay

I couldn’t show how much it scarred me.

 

The belittling words you’d throw my way,

later I was sure you were intimidated that I was smarter than you,

but then you did whatever you could to make me feel less.

You don’t understand how hard it was to take the step away months later,

the final one,

not because I cared too much for you,

but more because I knew I deserved better and you’d never see that.

It was also a challenge afterward,

the constant memories crowding my mind,

the time I flinched when you almost hit me,

how I thought I was stuck in place,

Cocoparisienne, Pixabay

crippled by fear and jailed by your cold heart.

I recall the dark emotions swirling within me,

sometimes I still can’t see myself enough,

and I am afraid I’ll disappear into the ether,

a forgotten note,

Kellepics, Pixabay

just where you wanted me then.

These scars will always be there,

but I know breaking away was best.

Sometimes I still feel the hard grip of your touch,

the harshness in your dark eyes,

without a hint of compassion,

even when I was in physical pain.

The way you demanded,

only demanded everything,

but never gave back.

I have to shut my eyes against the shadowy memories.

Geralt, Pixabay

  

Then the next one came along,

with his gentle approach and it was easy to sink into complacency.

Except he hurt me in a different way,

as men sometimes do.

He had no way of knowing the deep cut he made would turn me inside out,

Milada Vigerova, Unsplash

 

swirling in my gut,

when I saw further into the darkness and lost myself a bit more.

As life often goes,

I made plenty of mistakes later,

like an addict does with no other options,

exploiting internal weaknesses I shouldn’t have touched.

These scars have marked me….made me the woman I am today.

They say experience makes you stronger.

Then I should be invincible by now.

Yet I’m not,

just me,

sometimes still the girl you scarred so much.

But there is a day now and then when I feel an ounce of peace and I can find the light.

 

Chris Barbalis, Unsplash

It’s a journey…even though years have passed,

and I live in the comfort of one who truly loves me,

I remember and know the scars I’ve collected on my skin define me.

Created by Tirachard - Freepik.com

A survivor.

© 2018, Marie Lavender.

***Author's Note: if this poem moved you rather than disturbed you (I apologize for the frankness about my life), consider reading Directions of the Heart, a collection that explores the many facets of PTSD and the journey of healing. These are tales that are close to my heart.

Spotlight: Alistair Cross Visits to Talk About Dark Fantasy, THE ANGEL ALEJANDRO!

Today, fellow author Alistair Cross is stopping by to talk about his latest book!

Hello, Alistair! Welcome back to the MLB blog! :)

Hello! Thanks for having me. 

 

My pleasure! Let me ask a few questions since you're here...

 

All right.

Can you tell us a little about your book? When did it come out and where can we get it?

The Angel Alejandro is about an angel on a mission to save a woman’s life. He ends up with amnesia after crash-landing to earth during a severe storm. As he tries to uncover his lost identity, his latent supernatural powers begin tipping the natural balance, drawing the attention of dark entities who want to harvest his soul … and wreak plenty of havoc among the townspeople while they’re at it.

It will be out later in January, and will be available in ebook on Amazon first, followed by book retailers everywhere in paperback. You can pre-order it now.

 
Fascinating! 


And how exciting for you too, as the book officially releases tomorrow! Happy new release! :)

So, what inspired you to write this book? How did you get into writing dark fantasy?

This book was mostly inspired by my own curiosity about angels, demons, amnesia, and… well, strippers.

I never set out to write in a specified genre. I just write the story that wants to be told and let the powers that be decide how to package it. And this one, as it turns out, is “dark fantasy.”

 
Nice! 

Well, I hear ya! I try not to box myself in too much when it comes to new projects. I guess that's why I sometimes end up tangled in a genre I've never written before. LOL. The 'multi-genre' title just fits me better these days.

So, tell us...what, do you feel, sets your book apart from other books in the genre?

Probably it’s curious blend of romance, humor, and horror.

 

Great!

 

Please give us a teaser or two of the book if you can.

Stepping down the sloped roof, Madison’s shoes lost traction and her feet shot out from under her. The caulking gun flew as she windmilled for balance. The gravelly asphalt raked her elbows as she came down hard on her tailbone. A sickening thunk! resounded and a flash of white blinded her as the back of her head smacked the brick chimney. Pain bit her, crippled her, and she rolled down the slope, a tattered rag doll. Though barely conscious, she felt the roof disappear beneath her. Then she was freefalling.

Help me! she thought, unable to scream, to speak.

In the dream-like instant of her descent, the sky flashed - not lightning, but a shooting star streaking toward earth.

She plummeted into the koi pond below.

Icicle-cold, the water stole her breath. She panicked, tried fighting, but body and mind had parted company. She sank, paralyzed as blurred ribbons of blood rose and eddied around her. Like a failing bulb, her vision flickered and went out.

She was not aware of any time having passed. As if waking suddenly from a nightmare, she shot from the water, gurgling and choking, her lungs starved of oxygen. Splashing, writhing, her nails bit into bare shoulders and with the sound of rusty brakes, she sucked in a deep lungful of air. The black world resolved, and she glimpsed the face of a man, a stranger - no, not a stranger, not exactly. I know you, don’t I?

She gagged, clawed for purchase. Water gushed from her nose and mouth in explosive bursts as her lungs purged themselves. She locked onto the stranger, her fingers like anchors in his bare arms. Seconds later, she was on the sodden earth, on her back. She coughed, vomiting water. Hands clutched her head, turned it to the side, and water spilled from her mouth and nose like unspooling ribbons. More gurgling, more body-wracking gasps. Her vision came, dissolved, settled midway between blindness and sight.

A mouth covered hers, blew, and Madison’s lungs expanded with borrowed breath. As if the man were blowing on dying coals, warmth glowed inside her, spreading and swelling through her solar plexus, expanding, reaching her limbs, bringing heat to her skin and clarity to her mind. She could breathe, she could see, and what she saw was the stranger’s face.

Handsome. Full lips, strong cheekbones, eyes she couldn’t yet fathom. Close-cropped, golden hair backlit by a near-blinding halo of light. Yes, she knew him from somewhere – but where?

The warm buzz swam through her. Her fingers and toes tingled. She was losing consciousness again, but she didn’t care; the panic was gone. As the world pulsed in and out, the man leaned over and blinked black-lashed silver eyes at her. Not gray, but silver. Bright and shining, like disks of polished steel. The light behind him swelled and brightened just before the world relapsed into black and nothingness wrapped itself warm around her.

-Excerpt from The Angel Alejandro, by Alistair Cross
Copyright © Glass Apple Press 2016.

 

Riveting!

Let's try another question, okay? 

 

I'm sure readers are curious about your next writing project. Can you tell us what you've got cooking up now or is that a secret? 

I’m working with my collaborator, Tamara Thorne, on the ongoing Ravencrest Saga, as well as a novel called Darling Girls, which serves as a sequel to Tamara’s vampire novel, Candle Bay, and my novel, The Crimson Corset. In my solo life, I’ve begun a new book that features the “Dream Reaper”, Gremory Jones, from The Angel Alejandro. It will be a new story in a new setting, with new characters, except for Gremory. He’ll have a significant role in the next book. I guess I haven’t had enough of his wicked antics yet. 

Sounds fun! 

My characters often surprise me too. Just when I think I'm finished, I get roped back in. ;)

 

Thanks so much for stopping by to tell us about The Angel Alejandro, Alistair!

Thank you for having me here!

Of course! 

Readers, you'll just have to pick up a copy of this unique, dark fantasy novel.
 

 

Here is the blurb for The Angel Alejandro.

 

A Man without a Past

After a near-fatal accident, Madison O'Riley is faced with an astonishing problem: What to do with the man who saved her life. Naive and heart-stoppingly handsome, he calls himself Alejandro ... and he has no memory of his past. As they set out to recover his lost identity, Madison realizes he harbors deep - and otherworldly - secrets that will shatter her understanding of reality ... secrets that may put her in grave danger.

The Devil in the Details

And now, there’s another stranger in town. Gremory Jones has something for everyone, and for a small price, he’s willing to make a deal. By day, he walks the streets of Prominence in top hat and trench coat, tempting the citizens with nefarious wares from his shiny black briefcase. By night, he and his legion of insatiable acolytes corrupt the locals at Club Mephistopheles, a den of unholy delights housed in an abandoned church.

The Battle has Begun …

The townspeople are changing in outrageous and appalling ways and it's up to Madison - with the help of a psychic, a local priest, and the new chief of police - to help Alejandro unlock his forgotten powers before an unspeakable evil tears apart the fabric of existence ... and costs them their very souls ... 

Purchase Links:

Universal Amazon:  https://bookgoodies.com/a/B01N347ZE8

 
Add it to your Goodreads TBR list!



 
This book looks awesome! We'll be sure to check it out!

 

About the Author:

 

Alistair Cross’ debut novel, The Crimson Corset, a vampiric tale of terror and seduction, was an immediate bestseller earning praise from veteran vampire-lit author, Chelsea Quinn Yarbro, and New York Times bestseller, Jay Bonansinga, author of The Walking Dead series. In 2012, Alistair joined forces with international bestseller, Tamara Thorne, and as Thorne & Cross, they write – among other things – the successful Gothic series, The Ravencrest Saga. Their debut collaboration, The Cliffhouse Haunting, reached the bestseller’s list in its first week of release. They are currently at work on their next solo novels and a new collaborative project.

In 2014, Alistair and Tamara began the radio show, Thorne & Cross: Haunted Nights LIVE!, which has featured such guests as Charlaine Harris of the Southern Vampire Mysteries and basis of the HBO series True Blood, Jeff Lindsay, author of the Dexter novels, Jay Bonansinga of The Walking Dead series, Laurell K. Hamilton of the Anita Blake novels, Peter Atkins, screenwriter of HELLRAISER 2, 3, and 4, worldwide bestseller V.C. Andrews, and New York Times best sellers Preston & Child, Christopher Rice, and Christopher Moore.

Visit Alistair @ alistaircross.com

 

Author Links:

 

Website:  http://www.alistaircross.com/

Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/crossalistair

Twitter:  https://twitter.com/CrossAlistair

Amazon Author Page:  https://www.amazon.com/Alistair-Cross/e/B00N446AZS/

Goodreads:  https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/6517308.Alistair_Cross

Pinterest:  https://www.pinterest.com/alistaircross/ 

Google+:  https://plus.google.com/u/0/107331425042802585965

  

Alistair's Books:

 

   

Writing as Jared S. Anderson:  

 

Writing as Team Thorne & Cross: