A Touch of Dawn - Excerpt by Erica Sutherhome
October 10, 2013
“Miss
Johnson?” a man called from above.
Frightened, she recoiled away,
trying to catch her breath. She heard
steps coming towards her. She knew what
to do. She knew that she had to treat
this situation like anything else she’d had to endure. She had to accept it distantly. If she didn’t allow herself to feel it, it
wouldn’t matter. Her body might feel it,
but nothing else. She didn’t have to
think about it. Not until she was alone. And if she separated herself from it, she
couldn’t go crazy.
“Miss Johnson?”
His voice was gentle, but she knew
better. Her captors had used that tactic
before.
A hand touched her shoulder. “Caitlyn?”
She flinched, but her mind flashed
on a memory. Her sixteenth birthday when
her parents had given her a gold necklace in the shape of a C. C for Caitlyn. Her life came back in short flashes. Her high school graduation, that sorority
she’d been a part of briefly in college, the office job she’d had as a reporter
later on. Her dream of making the front
page, of seeing her name in print in a meaningful way.
But,
what about the rest of her life? She
couldn’t remember. She felt empty,
removed from that person. She shook with
the uncertainty of it.
“Caitlyn?” he asked again. “It’s all right. You can trust me. I’m with the police. My name is Jack.”
“Jack?” She hadn’t realized she’d
spoken aloud until his hand patted her gently.
She hadn’t realized she could form a sentence until now. Her silence had been her weapon against those
men. Of course, that didn’t keep her
from screaming or crying.
“That’s right. Jack Thomas.
But, we don’t need formalities, right?”
She shook her head. Then, she looked up to see his face and she
was blinded again. She cried out and
scrambled away.
“Caitlyn, what is it? You’re safe now. I promise.
It’s over. Those men that took
you? They’re dead. You can go home now.”
Home. It was a foreign word. She couldn’t really remember her home or her
family. She just had a few memories,
that was all. She shivered. Did they still want her after all that had
happened? How could they? She was overused, a piece of trash to throw
away.
“Is that what you want,
Caitlyn? Do you want to go home?”
“I want to leave,” she replied. Back against the dark corner, she could open
her eyes easily and see his shadowed figure.
“I can help you get out of
here. Would that be all right?”
“Yes.” Then she remembered the light. “But, I can’t leave.”
“Why not? What is it?”
She swallowed hard. “I can’t,” she whispered.
“Just talk to me, Caitlyn. Explain it to me.”
She heard movement in the room
above, as if the other men, the police, were shifting and restless. She sighed.
“The light hurts my eyes.” She
heard an exhale. He sounded relieved for
some reason.
“It’s all right. I understand.
We can take care of that.” His
gaze moved over her body, and she had no idea why that should make her feel
warm. He cleared his throat, then turned
away. “Can we get some blankets down
here?”
Eventually, several blankets were
handed down. Then he stepped close to
her, blocking out the light. “I have to
touch you to get you out of here, Caitlyn, but I won’t do it without your
permission. Will you let me?”
She had been touched and violated
enough to make her afraid of people for the rest of her natural life. But, somehow, she knew she could trust
him. He was here to take her home. He wouldn’t take advantage of her. “Okay.”
He wrapped the blankets around her
from head to toe and then lifted her against his chest. He handed her up through the cellar
door. She couldn’t see the light through
the blanket, and she was grateful for that.
When she was set down and all she could hear was movement, she felt the
old panic return. “Jack? Jack!”
“It’s all right. I’m here.
I’m going to take you to the hospital first. You’ll have to be treated. And then you can go home. One step at a time, okay?”
She forced a tight nod. “Okay.”
Instead of driving her, he held her
close in his lap in the back of a vehicle on the way to the hospital. The firm, but gentle grasp of his arms calmed
her.
At the hospital, her exam was
invasive but the nurses were kind enough to provide a mask to cover her eyes
because she just couldn’t stand the light.
And one nurse held her hand, whispering words of comfort, as the doctor
pressed around her belly and checked for other bruises on her body.
Then
there was the examination that was below the waist. She heard some kind of reassurance in the
doctor’s tone, but it did not help the invasion. Nothing could have kept the tears from coming
then, it was so humiliating. Finally,
blood tests were run and an x-ray was done to be sure they hadn’t missed
anything.
She shuddered afterwards and another
nurse led her into a shower stall, where she was allowed to bathe. She could hardly bear her own touch, let
alone a stranger’s hands. The tears and
humiliation came again. This time,
though, there was compassion to accompany her pain.
****
Jack sat in a plastic chair out in
the hallway. He pulled on the ends of
his hair and covered his face, sighing.
He had already received the news from the doctor, and it was just what
he’d expected. But, it never got easy,
hearing it. It was still as fresh as his
first case. According to the doctor, she
had been raped far too many times to count and they had to stitch her where her
soft, feminine skin was torn. He
shuddered with that reality. She wasn’t
pregnant or disease-ridden, and that was a wonder. But, sometimes in these situations, the human
body could fight an invasion on that level.
They had given her antibiotics, some
pain medicine, extra vitamins for strength and some sleeping pills, but nothing
more. Guess there wasn’t a cure-for-all
for the worse trauma imaginable.
The
one thing he had found unbearable, though, was her tears. He had heard her crying hysterically in the
room several times. It wasn’t the result
of what had happened to her, though in a way it was the reason for it. Her circumstances hadn’t hit her fully yet. No, it was the shame of feeling human touch,
however kind it was, a humiliation she could not bear for a long time. He knew this from experience. Touch was equated with an invasion, with
terrible cruelty, a reminder of that worthlessness, and until she saw otherwise,
it was going to be rough for her.
The door opened and he got to his
feet, suspecting it was one of the staff.
Maybe he could wring more news from them. Sometimes he felt so powerless as a
consultant.
But,
Caitlyn came out then, the nurse behind her, and he saw her clearly for the
first time. Caitlyn’s hair was still damp
from the shower and the hospital had lent her a pair of blue scrubs, a robe and
some house slippers. He sucked in a
breath.
She
was striking with pale skin, large, luminous brown eyes and straight brown
hair. She had dark circles under her
eyes, but that was to be expected. It
was her that he couldn’t get over. He
wasn’t supposed to notice it, but she was beautiful. It was a damn shame that her innocence had
been taken so swiftly. Even as an adult,
a person could be so violated that they were never the same again.
Curiosity was in her eyes as she
stared at him. “Are you Jack?”
He nodded. For one, he still wore the uniform he wore on
rescues to make people more comfortable.
“Sorry you couldn’t see me clearly until now.”
She shook her head. “It could not be helped.” Her eyes closed and she lifted a hand to her
temple.
“The lights again?”
“Yes.”
“They’re worse inside the hospital
than out. Once we get in the car, you’ll
feel better. I mean, if you want me to
take you home. I could just as easily
have a uniform take you.”
She shrugged. “The current arrangement is fine.”
Jack slowly made his way over to
her, then drew her to his side until her face was pressed against him. “I can get you out now, if you’re ready.”
“Yes. Thank you,” came her small voice. He heard pain and weariness there, which made
his throat tighten.
A doctor saw him and headed in his
direction. Jack waved him off. “Please.
I’ll take care of everything later.”
With a nod and a grim look, the
doctor turned away.
He tightened his arm around
Caitlyn’s back and led her down the hall to the emergency doors. “Easy,” he said as she tried to navigate the
steps without her vision.
“It’s strange, this. I haven’t walked around much for awhile. I mean, I did a little in that cellar. But, not much.”
A long breath came out of him. “Did they feed you?”
She shrugged. “Some.
Not much.”
“You’ve lost weight then.”
“I don’t know. I…”
She shuddered. “I’m not sure I
want to look in a mirror right now.”
“I’ll be your mirror, if you like.”
She laughed a little. “Do I look as
terrible as I feel?”
“No, Sweetheart. Other than the fact
that you’re obviously tired and you’ve been through something awful, you look
okay. You were patched up down there, I
assume. But, from what I can tell, most
of the scars are on the inside.”
She pressed her face into his jacket
and he wondered if she was trying to stifle the urge to cry.
He spotted his car, then led her
straight out to it. He urged her into
the vehicle, then closed the door behind her.
He got into the driver’s side, reached over and clicked her seatbelt
into place. He did the same for
himself. Then he shut his door and
turned the car on. He waited until
they’d left the parking lot before he spoke. “Okay. I think you can open your
eyes now.”
****
Caitlyn could see the town a little
in the darkness. There were streetlights here and there, but they didn’t hurt
her. It was so odd to see things
now. It was pretty routine what he was
doing, she could tell that clearly enough. But, it meant more than she knew how
to express. He had taken her out of that
dark place. He had removed her from the situation. Now, she would have to deal with life
again.
Oh, God. The idea of it was so daunting. Life.
Real life. Not being in a cellar,
kept for someone’s needs. Doing something for herself instead. How was she
supposed to do that?
“Where are we going?” she asked
Jack.
He seemed to hesitate. “Your apartment was vacated long ago. Supposedly, the landlord would not
cooperate. I thought of taking you to
your mother’s. Is that all right? We could get you a hotel room instead, if
you’d prefer that. If it would make you
feel better, I could have an officer placed outside the door for security.”
She shuddered. There was one thing she knew
instinctively. She should not be left to
her own devices. After what she’d been
through, her grip on herself was tenuous.
She had struggled to stay sane in the cellar. But, if she had the opportunity, she might
try to kill herself. Part of her wanted
the release from life. And part of her
was terrified of dying. “I should
probably go home.” Home. Wasn’t that a strange word?
posted by Adam Scull
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