Today, fellow author Matthew Anderson is stopping by to talk about his latest book!
Hello! Thank you for having me here.
My pleasure, of course! So, let me ask a few questions since you're here...
All right.
Can you tell us a little about your latest book? When did it come out and where can we get it?
It can be downloaded now from Kindle and should be also available in
paperback at Amazon soon. It was first published on February 1st of this year.
Great!
So, what inspired you to write your book? How did you get into writing self-help books?
I have been a writer for at least the last 25 years and wrote personal and
spiritual growth books until this last year when I wrote this book, which is
about romantic love.
I decided to write a book about the wonder of romantic love and how to
sustain the ecstasy that it generates as a result of being in love with an
incredibly loving woman for the last five years. Our relationship has been
bursting with romantic ecstasy since we first fell in love. The intensity
has not waned or lessened in any way. In fact, it is actually even deeper
now and our intimacy, both emotional and physical, is exquisite.
I am a Life Coach and also a writer who loves to explore the how and what of
relationships (40 years plus). I have had hundreds of conversations with
my lover about why our connection is so special. About a year ago, I began
to write notes about it on large paper sheets that I taped on my bedroom wall
and eventually the book was born. Most of them still hang there today as
a daily reminder to me of what we have.
Every time I finished a chapter, I shared it with her and the sharing became
a precious part of our intimate time together. She deserves quite a bit
of credit for its creation since she is truly my muse as well as my
lover. Her enthusiasm feeds my drive to write and every word becomes a
testimony to our sacred relationship. In that sense, the book is the
result of a romantic partnership and could not exist apart from our grace-given
connection.
I decided to write a book about the wonder of romantic love and how to sustain the ecstasy that it generates as a result of being in love with an incredibly loving woman for the last five years. Our relationship has been bursting with romantic ecstasy since we first fell in love. The intensity has not waned or lessened in any way. In fact, it is actually even deeper now and our intimacy, both emotional and physical, is exquisite.
I am a Life Coach and also a writer who loves to explore the how and what of relationships (40 years plus). I have had hundreds of conversations with my lover about why our connection is so special. About a year ago, I began to write notes about it on large paper sheets that I taped on my bedroom wall and eventually the book was born. Most of them still hang there today as a daily reminder to me of what we have.
Every time I finished a chapter, I shared it with her and the sharing became a precious part of our intimate time together. She deserves quite a bit of credit for its creation since she is truly my muse as well as my lover. Her enthusiasm feeds my drive to write and every word becomes a testimony to our sacred relationship. In that sense, the book is the result of a romantic partnership and could not exist apart from our grace-given connection.
Very nice! I love a good love story...;)
So, tell us...what, do you feel, sets your book apart from other books in the genre?
This book is set apart because it is more than a simple How-To guidebook for
couples. It contains specific guidance, of course, but that guidance is
honest and, in many cases, not found in any other place. For example, I confront
and challenge the popularly and professionally held myth that romantic love has
to lose its intensity in 3 to 12 months. It does not have to die, ever,
but even professional couples' counselors will argue that point in support of
the erroneous myth. Every time I read some of their negative and even cynical
comments, I get pretty upset. I actually included a chapter in the
book about that.
In addition, I have a new attitude about anger and romantic love. Many
believe that anger is inevitable and even necessary in a loving
relationship. I actually used to believe that myself, but now I know that
belief is not only wrong, it is also potentially toxic to a couple's romantic
experience.
There are a number of other topics that I cover that break and challenge
toxic myths about romantic love including what I call the 'Eyes of Love'.
Many professionals teach that romantic love causes us to create a false
positive image of our lover and this image dies under the harsh light of longer
term relationship. I am convinced that romantic love gives us access to a
true and magnificent vision (The Eyes of Love) of our lover and this vision
needs to be trusted, nurtured and encouraged rather than rejected.
Finally, this book is written in two styles. First each topic is discussed
in the usual descriptive style of how-to books and then each descriptive
chapter is followed by a real dialogue between a couple (Dianna and Michael)
who share their intimate personal experience with each subject as I
explore it. These two approaches combined give the book added interest
and make it more effective and personal for the reader.
In addition, I have a new attitude about anger and romantic love. Many believe that anger is inevitable and even necessary in a loving relationship. I actually used to believe that myself, but now I know that belief is not only wrong, it is also potentially toxic to a couple's romantic experience.
There are a number of other topics that I cover that break and challenge toxic myths about romantic love including what I call the 'Eyes of Love'. Many professionals teach that romantic love causes us to create a false positive image of our lover and this image dies under the harsh light of longer term relationship. I am convinced that romantic love gives us access to a true and magnificent vision (The Eyes of Love) of our lover and this vision needs to be trusted, nurtured and encouraged rather than rejected.
Finally, this book is written in two styles. First each topic is discussed in the usual descriptive style of how-to books and then each descriptive chapter is followed by a real dialogue between a couple (Dianna and Michael) who share their intimate personal experience with each subject as I explore it. These two approaches combined give the book added interest and make it more effective and personal for the reader.
All right.
Give us a teaser or two of the book if you can.
Romantic love is the every-person’s opportunity to experience divine grace and as such it brings a gift that has numerous (divine) qualities. Grace falls like rain and soaks the heart of one who is then blessed with this love. This grace, this love, brings us a gift of new sight by which we can see the Other, our Beloved, with divine eyes. In this state of heightened awareness, we are able to see our Beloved as she truly is, in all her wonder and beauty, and she, lifted and filled with the same love, can see us as we are. In these sacred moments we no longer see with our natural eyes but with our Heart which is the center of True Sight. It is from this vantage point that all the glory of our lover is revealed to us.
It is the heart’s great desire to be seen this way. It is here that all our doubts about being lovable and valuable drop away. Through the grace-filled eyes of our lover we come to know our best and highest self and are carried up in an intense yearning to rise to, become, reveal and celebrate that awareness. At the very same instant that this self-revelation occurs, we also see our Beloved for who she is in her highest and best self. We want to do everything we can to nurture her and give to her so that she can sustain her precious being.
Romantic love, and its gift of the eyes of love, is not earned and, like rain, it falls on every heart. We cannot choose or cause it but once soaked by its divine dew we can only surrender to its transformative power. If we try to resist we will find ourselves torn into pieces. If we accept our fate, we will be given an experience of wholeness that is worth whatever price love may ask of us. That precious wholeness can only be seen through the eyes of love and it is up to us to nurture and sustain that sight as we love and live with our Beloved.
Every person who has ever fallen in love has had an experience of the eyes of love. But for most, that glorious vision of the Beloved quickly dims and then is only a memory. It is then, too often relegated to an experience of intoxication, and is interpreted as an imagined and unrealistic perception of another person created by the distortive energies of emotion and lust. Many of these same couples yearn to revisit this experience, but both believe that it cannot be revived and lack the skills to reconnect with it. The good news is that the eyes of love need not dim and both partners can learn to sustain and nurture this wonderful vision of the Beloved.
(Note: Michael and Dianna are real and deeply in love. Every topic in the book is followed by a dialogue between these two lovers and how it affects their relationship.)
Michael and Dianna – Eyes of Love
Michael begins in a very serious and pensive voice.“I believe very deeply in this idea of the eyes of love. Yes, I used to think, just like everyone else, that it would come and go and I would have no control over it. I would enjoy it while it lasts and then accept its passing. I remember being overwhelmed by my feelings for you and the first time I looked, really looked into your eyes. The intensity was so great I stopped breathing for a moment. It was incredible. I did not expect it. I knew I found you attractive and interesting and all of that but for some reason, I leaned closer to you across the table and bang, lightning struck and my breath disappeared and I fell a rush of wild energy dance all over my body. God, I can feel it right now, Sweetheart. It was like being high but better, far better. And the truth is, I still feel many versions of it when we are together in all sorts of situations. I thought I would only feel it when we were making love or dancing together or in some typical romantic situation, but I was wrong and I am so glad I was wrong. I can really feel that way almost any time I decide to pay attention to you and allow my heart to open and that love dances. That is the best description I can find for the experience. My love dances wildly all through my body and I love you so much I could eat you up!”
Dianna responds as Michael pauses to take a breath.
“Honey, I know I sound like a broken record sometimes but I feel just like you do. Maybe that is one of the great things about this experience. We go so deeply into loving each other that we get in sync and flow together. I love that wild dancing feeling too, Honey. But you got so caught up in your story you forgot the topic. We are talking about the eyes of love. I want to share more about that now. (Michael laughs and nods his head.)
You and I have discussed this idea a hundred times over the years and it has come to be a really important concept for me. Not just because it is a lovely idea but because it actually is real. I do see you, the beautiful you, and I love that person and I can often see how you react to my vision of who you are and can be. You get inspired by it and you live up to it and I think my love for you and the way I see you is a big part of that.”
Michael nods in agreement and picks up the conversation.
“Thanks, Sweetheart. I do want to comment more about this idea. I am convinced that the difficulty for many people is that we don’t trust the way our lover sees us when we fall in love. That phrase ‘love is blind’ is part of the problem. Love is not blind. The truth is actually just the opposite. Love, this sort of love, gives us the ability to see another individual in all their glory and beauty. I remember the statement in the Bible by the Apostle Paul when he said ‘Now I see through a glass darkly but the face to face: now I know in part but then I shall know even as I am also known’. Yes, I know he was not referring to romantic love. He was talking about a relationship with God, but I think his words can also apply to what happens to us when romantic love takes over our hearts. Before it shows up we cannot see the other person for who they truly are, but this love gives us the sight to know, really know, our Beloved and that makes all the difference.
I see you, Dianna, and you see me, in a way no one has ever seen either of us. It is not a fantasy and it is not a form of intoxication. Our minds are not poisoned by love. To even think that is absurd and yet so many people fall prey to that ridiculous idea. I see you, Sweetheart! I see the real you and you are absolutely beautiful. I know you see me the same way. When that occurs, we are both given a tremendously wonderful gift. Maybe it is the greatest gift one person can give another; to see them as so beautiful. I think every person who ever lived yearns for that precious experience; to be truly seen by another person. It is a completely validating event.
Once we are seen this way, we are changed. We do not forget it, ever. And, if that way of being seen is sustained, we begin to grow into that image. We actually fill it out and live up to it and that causes us to be even more grateful for our Beloved because she gave us the gift of becoming the best that we are.
Now, I just want to clarify one more thing if I can. (Dianna nods her agreement.) That special and wonderful being that we see through the eyes of love is not a blueprint, it is the real person that, in a sense, lives in hiding in us behind our negative self-image that so often dominates our self-perception. This negative picture of who we think we are is the true impostor that has fooled us all our lives. Suddenly, with no warning, someone shows up and looks right through that crap and sees our real being, and everything changes. I know this is what happened to us, Honey, and I am so grateful for you and how you see me every single day. You feel the same, don’t you?”
Dianna responds with enthusiasm.
“Yes, Sweetheart, I love how you see me. At first I had a hard time with it. I never thought of myself that way. I mean, you see me as so special and precious and that felt good, but also it felt strange. But then two things happened and keep happening, and they help a lot. You are consistent in your wonderful perception of me, and I see you the same way. It helps a lot that I see you that way because I think it helps me accept your vision of me. I want you to accept how I see you as real, as valid. I love it when you do that, so it makes sense that you would feel the same way. My gift to you is to respect how you see me through the eyes of love. You offer me the same gift. That is how I see all this.”
Michael hugs Dianna and voices his approval.
“Honey, you said it the best! That was it, all in a few words. Thanks! You are great!”
How inspiring and romantic!
Let's try another question, okay?
I'm sure readers are curious about your next writing project. Can you
tell us what you've got cooking up now or is that a secret?
I have been so absorbed in getting this book ready for publication that I
have not written any notes on my wall. But a few creative ideas seem to
float at the back of my mind on occasion. Maybe another book about Dianna
and Michael. Maybe more exploration about radical intimacy, sexuality and
spirituality. I guess that one will be at least R rated. It would
certainly be fun to do the research!
LOL. Well, we certainly look forward to your next book!
Thanks so much for stopping by to tell us about The Resurrection of Romance, Matthew!
Of course! Thank you for having me here.
You're welcome! It's always a pleasure!
Readers, you'll just have to pick up a copy of this interesting, romantic self-help book!
Here is the blurb for The Resurrection of Romance: How to Create and Sustain a World Class Romantic Relationship That Lasts a Lifetime.
How to create daily romantic ecstasy in your relationship and keep your
love truly alive for a lifetime. Break through erroneous and toxic
myths that limit the wonder and joy of your romance. Discover specific
techniques and attitudes that create joyful emotional and physical
intimacy. And listen in to a very personal conversation between two
actual lovers who have found the secret to an incredibly magnificent
romantic relationship.
Purchase
Link:
Amazon
Universal link: http://bookgoodies.com/a/B01BB5SU2W
Sounds great!
About the Author:
Matthew Anderson, D.Min. has been a relationship coach, a motivational speaker and an author for over 40 years. His new book The Resurrection of Romance: How to create and sustain a world class romantic relationship that lasts a lifetime will
be available through Kindle on January 30th. He is very much in love
with the woman who is his muse and inspiration for the book. Matthew is
70 years old and is in year 4 of a 33 year plan to live to 100+. He
lives and works in Boca Raton, Florida.
Author
Links:
Website: www.Mattcoyote.com
Amazon
Author Page: amzn.to/1PPWkr8
Matthew's
Book:
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