Emma's Corner: Hello, world!

Hello, World!

Greetings, humans! My name is Emma (Munchkin Warrior) (Agent Em) (M&M) Mulrooney...never mind. My list of nicknames goes on and on. And as T.S. Eliot once told all of you insignificant humans about cats, we often have thirty to fifty actual names that even you will never know. For example, my mom (Marie) believes that my name came to her in a dream. Supposedly, she just knew who I'd be before she even met me, and was pretty sure that once she saw me, she'd simply know that I was the one for her. And she says it happened just that way at the Humane Society nine years ago. 

Hmm...I don't know about you, but I am certain no human could ever possess such awesome powers. Only cats have psychic abilities. We'll just let her believe she is that smart, okay? Not that I'd ever let any of you think you were in control.

As I was saying...lest you all believe you are the actual owners of cats (it's the other way around, by the way), you have another thing coming to you. And for myself, well, as I've told my humans many times, I am the queen of this realm and what I say goes. 

Now, where was I? Oh, yes. Marie probably thinks I'm not smart enough to wield a sword let alone this weak contraption called the Internet. Therefore I've hijacked her so-called blog and it is mine for the day! Ha!

I don't want to bore you completely with human activities, but have you seen the ungodly hours the woman keeps? On this damn machine night and day, supposedly blogging, promoting and writing stories, ignoring my superior self. It's a tragedy, I tell you. 

But no matter. I hear Smokey (the fiend of a cat) accidentally scratched her arm earlier. Poor guy, he's quite unsteady on his feet...

She probably deserved that! Not that I'd let anyone besides me - and the inferior felines in this household - do anything to her. That reminds me of the human thing she calls a
fiancé. Bah! We have, shall I say, a love-hate relationship. I tolerate him only, as he always smells like ten other cats. But hey, I'm the only one that notices it! Nothing will upset us more than cheating on our royal selves with different species of felines. And it's horrible, but I've heard he actually scouts pet stores, unable to deny being drawn in by puny meows and pitiful looks that he terms 'cute' (I'm actually the expert on cuteness, just so you know)!

How can you possibly dispute it? Anyway, he's the reason that thing they call Katerina (Kit Kat) entered the house at all. "Oh, poor kitty, you're freezing in the middle of winter so we're going to save you..." And she has never been happier. 

See? It's quite unfortunate. Honestly, I can't tolerate more estrogen in this place! 

So...did I mention that the humans had guests over last weekend, just during the day for a few hours? Well, it happened. Kit and I did our best to disappear when the doorbell rang, but for me, I can't miss the opportunity to show off this gorgeous hide! When they were all sitting there, visiting, as they say, I could tell my mom was trying to shoot me psychic messages to 'be good', as she likes to instruct me sometimes. But I couldn't resist. Especially when the lady who was visiting decided to rest her dumb foot on me - complete with shoe - just for fun. Seriously? As you can imagine, I did what was necessary and left the room! 

Haven't you heard? Just don't mess with a feline, especially one such as me.

Yet, I digress...

Oh, yes. I was talking about Marie. Yes, I suppose this is her blog. Blog...such a strange word, isn't it? It makes me think of that stuff that we get rid of sometimes from our throats. You know, the one has all the hair in it. It's quite disgusting for the humans, but it's no picnic for us either. Anyway, the term is similar to the sound we make when that is happening. So, I shall bee-log you to death!

Don't even get me started on when Marie or one of the other humans actually tries to speak my language.

Speaking of, I am sorely in need of a new cat bed. I will pick hot pink again. You know, my human believes she is the authority on the color, as it's her favorite, but I'll have her know that as soon as she adopted me, I was clever enough - though she claims I was tiny at six weeks - to choose my own bed at PetSmart! Yes, that's right. Annnndd I even selected my own toy. What other kitten could do that at such an age? 

It's true. I was born to be a leader, to direct all of you. One day, you will realize that Emma, yes, Emma rules this universe!

It's true. We often humor you humans, and we laugh at your little oddities. But we have more control than you realize. Did you not receive my meow-mo?

And I refuse to hear sarcastic words from another person in the household with a name starting with the letter K. Such a strange one! I imagine she'd respond to this post with, "And all of this coming from a short thing!"

Short...you will be destroyed for that!

Anyway, where was I? Oh, yes. I meant to introduce myself as Emma the cat, the ONLY important cat, that is, and this is Emma's Corner of Marie's blog. That's right. Marie the author. Though I think that's a strong term for someone who has three blogs, an author website and has published 22 books. Surely, you're not a real author until you've reached at least 100, huh? I know you agree! (Chuckles.)

Now, onto more important things. Damn, human, pay attention to me! And for God's sake, get out of bed and feed me! I don't care if you're not an early riser!

For the rest of you humans, I'm signing off... meow, meow, meow, et cetera, et cetera.

As always,

Ruler of the Universe and Supreme Feline,

Emma A.K.A 'the Munchkin' Mulrooney